Give me a cape and a tiara...

and I'm fairly certain I can save the world.

Guess what? We're all human.
Kristin's Flower
narcissology
Important enough to me to cross-post.Collapse )


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Do follow. Really.
fanfic
narcissology
I'm moving. It's the equivalent of buying a new house when the old one gets dirty. And it's part of the shifting mantra, you know?

I mean, I won't abandon narcissology... it's a storage facility for HP smut and shall remain so... but if you need me, it'll be easier to find me at squishification.

Cheers.


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The penguins in the wash go round and round...
Kristin's Flower
narcissology
You know... there are very few things that I love as much as doing laundry. Especially at the laundromat. It's so... efficient. Concise, really. It's a metaphor for what we all wish we could do with our lives sometimes. You package up the dirty things, haul them to a place chock-full of cleanness where all manner of people gather for the same purpose, pick a machine, add some liquid encouragement (and what else could you possibly call it with names full of positive reinforcement - 'Gain'? 'All'? 'Cheer'? They WANT me to succeed!), and stand back. Half an hour's worth of entertainment later, things come out good as new, albeit a little damp.

My new laundromat is my idea of heaven because there are opposing rows of front-loading washing machines. I can set two loads - a white and a dark (also a metaphor, or sorts... you see why I love this?) - go over to the corner and get a Coke, and settle in for the show. And I really do watch. I take a book with every intention of reading, but I'm always entranced with watching the sheets and towels and socks swish and spin on one side... and then I switch sides, lean against the white-machine, and watch the jeans and sweaters slosh in the other.

And once they're spun sufficiently? Then the real fun begins. The dryers are stacked on top of one another, so whites go in the top (two quarters, one dryer sheet), darks in the bottom (three quarters, two dryer sheets - sweaters + fleece jammies = staticky business) and there's a whole new kind of show. It starts with the flopping as wet things fall from top to bottom with every tumble, and slowly becomes more of a fluffy tossing activity as things dry. I can barely pull myself away to wipe out the bottom of the basket. Sheets come out first, towels stay in for another quarter... folded sheets in the bottom of the basket... then socks and underwear. Then we switch dryers and fold t-shirts and sweatshirts, then jeans and sweaters and big heavy cotton-rag boot socks, and then back to the top dryer for towels and the bathmat (which never quite gets dry) very last. Then it all gets hauled back home fresh-smelling and ready to start the week.

Leaves filthy and used, comes home refreshed and renewed. The lady that does the drop-off laundry has my dream job.

Oh, and this has nothing to do with laundry, but I'm jealous that someone else got to interview this dog: Seriously, pet owners.


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Psh, I say.
Kristin's Flower
narcissology
I'm getting really tired of hearing how Islam is a "religion of peace"...

Case in point.

We're supporting this idiocy with troops and tax dollars? Of course, I shouldn't be shocked, living in a country where we're taught to believe that government-sanctioned murder isn't murder at all... supported with the notion that the tree of liberty must be watered with the blood of tyrants. As Sam Kinison would say, "I THINK YOU MISSED THE FUCKING POINT!"

ETA: Please don't mistake my intent - I'm completely supportive of cultural diversity in government and have a firm grasp on the fact that just because we don't understand something doesn't make it wrong... but I draw the line at government sanctioned murder of an individual (I say this because we're not talking about war, which is inherently different) anywhere, anytime, for any reason.




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Perpetual Motion
Kristin's Flower
narcissology
Grabbed from the lovely and talented inell...

One word to describe me ... just one single word. Leave it in my comments.

Then post this message on your journal and see how many strange and interesting things people say about you...


I'll even allow anonymous commenting, I think.




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Tags:

Bill vs. The Anaconda (or, "Slushy hell!")
Kristin's Flower
narcissology
This is what happens when you carelessly discuss rules about quotation marks. Take warning.

I asked, "How are you today, Bill?"

"Not bad," he said, "they tried feeding me to the anaconda. Again."

"Did you eat the lobsters?"

"Only one of them."

"You sick bastard."


Definitely not for the weak-stomached.

Oh, there's no place like home for the holidays...
AK
narcissology
I was adopted. I swear it. It's the ONLY logical explanation.


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Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?
Kristin's Flower
narcissology
Dear Person I Work For:

I would like my Christmas bonus now, please. Just because being here everyday is your hobby doesn't make it mine, and I do indeed count on that measley pittance that doesn't near make up for my abysmal salary as part of what I have left after the government takes half. I can't stand thinking about money, and doubly so this time of year, so if you could please make with the check-writing I would be much appreciative. Please don't make me go Chevy Chase on your ass, because my sister has already promised to deliver you to the living room wrapped in rope and a red bow so I can personally tell you what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, in-bred, over-stuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit you are if the cookies on my desk yesterday actually DO turn out to be my bonus. Granted, she'd had a couple martinis, but you can't blame her. The kid makes a killer martini. I digress. Checks. Write. Immediately. Friday isn't good enough. Kthxbye.

Warm Holiday Wishes,
Your Slave Labor

P.S. - How about a deal? You write the check, I stop spitting in your coffee. Sounds fair to me.



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*sobs*
Kristin's Flower
narcissology
I don't have the energy to type it again, so if you're going to ask why I'm in a horrible mood, this is your answer.

I have a week left and honestly... if I didn't need the money I would set fire to my office and walk out.

And I was in such a good mood this morning.


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Newsweek tells us...
Bah Fucking Humbug
narcissology
Why hangovers happen, and why they can't really be cured.

What I loved most about this article is the statistic regarding the distilled spirits industry making the majority of their money between Thanksgiving and New Years. I'm not sure that they're giving the right impression here... it's not in celebration that I open that second bottle on Christmas Eve - it's so I don't put my family's heads in bowling ball bags before burning down the house. But to each his own, I suppose.

And speaking of interesting statistics, I really need to find the fascinating article that maccutcheon sent me yesterday about the evolution of the human spine to make the female body more adaptable to the center-of-gravity changes that happen during pregnancy... I'll post it when I track it down because I really want to know if anyone else can't help but picture cow-tipping while reading this article.

ETA:Here it is! AND... you really must check out the fascinating sex quiz at the bottom of the page... I had no idea.




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